


Let Me Give You A Hand

by maliciouslycreative



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, Humor, Injury, Minor Violence, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-06 23:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17354987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maliciouslycreative/pseuds/maliciouslycreative
Summary: Captain Takashi Shirogane is having the worst morning of his life. Lieutenant James Griffin was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Commander Keith Kogane is having the time of his life.





	Let Me Give You A Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this had me absolutely wheezing. I can imagine things quite vividly and there was scene in this I kept thinking about at work one day and randomly laughing. My coworkers probably thought I'd actually lost it. 
> 
> Should probably also mention that since they never went into detail about military ranks in the show I just adopted Mass Effect's. I mean, there's already so much ME influence in the show.
> 
> The timeline is vague but it's probably post canon. No spoilers really for season 8 and it could probably be interpreted as season 8 never happened. Feel free to interpret it however you like.

Petty Officer Summer Night had been on the Atlas 3 days. The ship was in drydock on Earth while they made some repairs, resupplied, and changed out crew. The training deck was mostly deserted. Which was not surprising considered how hard much of the crew had been partying last night on their shore leave.

If Night was being honest she was glad it was quiet. It meant that there was nobody around to hear her curse out her senior officers whenever she found one of the messes they’d made in their drunken adventures. 

She was just about to step out of the locker room when there was a metallic thud. “The fuck” she shrieked as she spun around and stared at the row of lockers. Night put a hand over her heart and breathed deeply. “Something just fell. It’s nothing to worry about. Things fall all the time.” 

Something rattled in one of the lockers. 

“Ok, that’s not normal.” She tucked some stray hairs behind her ear and stepped slowly towards the lockers, eyes darting back and forth.

One of the doors shook violently as something flung itself against it. There was a small dent. 

There was silence for nearly half a moment before the door started rattling ominously. 

“Umm, hi? Can you hear me?” Night stepped closer to the door.

The thing didn’t stop rattling the door. Either it couldn’t hear her or it didn’t care. So probably not sentient? Or else it couldn’t understand english. 

“Tu comprends français?” She tried on the off chance it spoke French. It didn’t seem to make any difference. 

The rattling stopped and then whatever it was proceeded to move around the locker, tapping and shaking various parts of it and moving around its contents. 

Pressing the on button to her coms Night took a few seconds to calm herself before she said, “I believe we have something trapped in a locker on the training deck.”

There was silence for several seconds before the comm crackled to life. “Define something.” Night frowned because she recognised the voice but couldn’t put a face to it. 

“Well, it seems big? I mean it was throwing itself against the door with a lot of force. I haven’t opened the locker yet.” There’s silence still on the comm so Night shrugged and added, “My best bet would be a raccoon?”

“A racoon?” Someone else responded. “You think a racoon got onto a state of the art warship? In the desert?” 

“Don’t be rude Simmons. Wouldn’t be the first time we had unexpected stowaways.” The first voice responded. 

“I am in the vicinity with Griffin. We will be there momentarily to assist.” This voice Night did recognise; it was Lieutenant Ina Leifsdottir. One of Night’s heroes. Oh god she felt sort of embarrassed now. 

The locker had been so quiet that Night almost forgot that there was something in it so she nearly shrieked when tapping started coming from it. Night spun back to the locker and frowned at it. Raccoons certainly could tap but this was too rhythmic. Too much like a pattern. Too much like… Morse code?

Frantically she opened up a blank page in her data pad and waited for the message to start from the beginning.

.-.. . -  -- . --- .-- -

“Let me out.” Night nearly dropped her data pad in surprise. This was definitely not a racoon. It was intelligent. Well, not so intelligent that it got stuck in a locker but, then again, she had also witnessed Lieutenant Lance McClain try to stuff 8 breadsticks into his mouth last night at dinner so that wasn’t saying much. 

Tentatively Night took a step closer to the locker and slowly extended her hand. She was almost to the latch when she frowned. The message had changed. She waited for the message to loop again and jotted down the new message 

.-.. . -  -- . --- .-- -  .--. .-.. . .- … .

“Let me out please”

Not only was whatever was in the locker sentient, it was also polite. 

Throwing caution to the wind Night wrapped her hand around the locker handle and pulled it open. As it was swinging open her mind provided her with the helpful thought of ‘what if it is a ghost here to kill you?’. Night’s eyes widened in horror but it was too late, the locker was open and now Night wasn’t sure what to even do with what she was looking at. 

Captain Takashi Shirogane’s floating hand was in the locker. It lurched forward, index finger extended as it attempted to type out the Morse code message again. It seemed to realise that there was nothing in front of it and it jerked to a stop. 

Everything sort of happened at once. The door to the locker room whooshed open, the hand started to lurch forward at an alarming speed, and Night uttered a soft “oh no”. 

Leifsdottir saw the hand coming so she managed to duck. Griffin however was just a few paces behind and not really paying attention. So by the time Leifsdottir had yelled “Watch out!” it was too late. 

The hand backhanded Griffin right in the face. It didn’t even slow down. There was just a resounding slap, a crunch and Griffin went down like a sack of bricks. 

Night’s hands flew to her mouth. She wanted to say something but what did you even say in a situation like this? 

Leifsdottir seemed equally stunned as she was still in a crouch staring down at Griffin’s prone form. She eventually straightened, glanced over at Night and said, “Fatality.”

Night couldn’t stop laughing, even if she wanted to.

-x-x-x- 

16 minutes later Captain Shirogane practically ripped the door to the medbay off as he barrelled in, Commander Kogane hot on his heels. They both looked sleep rumpled and a little panicked. Shirogane was wearing a tank top that looked like he’d only gotten ot on due to sheer force of desperation. It was straining almost obscenely and didn’t even cover his whole torso. 

“Are you alright?” Shirogane gasped out as he looked worriedly from Griffin to Dr. Michel.

Griffin was holding an ice pack to his face with one hand but he gave Shirogane a thumbs up with the other. “I’m good, all things considered.” 

Shirogane seemed to relax slightly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean - I just - did I hurt you seriously? I did feel my hand connect with something but then it hit a lot of things on its way through the Atlas…” 

“No serious injuries.” Dr. Michel stepped forward and smiled reassuringly at Shirogane. “Just a broken nose.”

“What-” Commander Kogane coughed and straightened his shirt slightly. It was on inside out. “What happened exactly?”

“Umm.” Night paused because suddenly everyone was staring at her. “Well, I was just doing a regulation inspection of the lower decks. You know, just getting into routine since I’m new. Oh! I’m Petty Officer Summer Night.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Shirogane smiled kindly at her and Night felt herself relax slightly. 

“You as well.” She smiled back. “Anyway, I was just about to leave the locker room when I heard something moving in one of the lockers. I reported it over the comms and Lieutenants Leifsdottir and Griffin responded that they would assist me. But then I heard the Morse code and I just… well I knew whatever was in there must be sentient? So I decided to open the locker before they got there. The ha- I mean, your hand just sort of floated there for a bit but then the door opened and all of a sudden your hand was moving. Leifsdottir and Griffin were in the doorway and -” The mental image of Griffin getting slapped popped into her head and Night had to slap a hand over her mouth to stifle the giggles.

“Then you slapped me sir.” Griffin said, voice slightly muffled from the cold pack still on his face.

Shirogane looked like he was in fact the one that got slapped.

“Actually, it was a backhand.” Leifsdottir said.

Shirogane wilted even further. 

Kogane burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Keith.” Shirogane said weakly. It did nothing as Kogane was too busy cackling loudly and clutching at his sides. 

Night tried her best but then she remembered Leifsdottir looking at her and saying “fatality” and she was laughing just as hard as Kogane. 

“If it makes you feel better, Shiro, I would be laughing with them if my face didn’t hurt so much.” Griffin pulled the ice back away from his face to reveal where it was already purpling and swelling. “Honestly, this is one of the funniest things to happen in my life. It was an honour to get bitch slapped by you, sir.”

Leifsdottir couldn’t take it any more and let out a snort of laughter. Even Dr Michel was hiding her smile behind her data pad. 

The door flung open once again and Lieutenant Commander Veronica McClain skidded into the room. She took in the room and crossed her arms over her chest. She shot a scathing look at Kogane who coughed and straightened up. “Ok, does someone mind telling me what happened?”

“Hey Veronica.” Griffin waved lazily at her. “I got backhanded by Shiro.”

McClain’s eyes widened. “He did  _ what _ ?” She spun on Shirogane, murder in her eyes. 

Shirogane held up both his hands and backed up. “It wasn’t on purpose!”

“Start from the beginning.” Veronica let out a heavy sigh as she dragged out her datapad. “I have to write up an official injury report for this.” She looked up at Shirogane and gave him a stern look. “Please, spare no detail.”

Cheeks reddening Shirogane looked around the room. “So, last night we may have celebrated a little hard. We are heading out again tomorrow so some of the crew-”

“Lance.” Kogane said.

“Lance,” Shirogane sighed, “insisted we make the most of it. I’m not sure what we drank but it hit me hard and apparently I fell asleep really early?”

“Lightweight.” Kogane chuckled. Shirogane gave him a withering look. 

“When I woke up I discovered that my hand was missing.”

“How do you lose your hand?” Veronica gaped. 

“Well, apparently quite easily when you’re passed out from alcohol of unknown origin. And some people-”

“Lance and Pidge.” Kogane said.

“Lance, and Pidge, and  _ Keith _ ,” Shirogane gave Kogane a pointed look, “decided it would be hilarious to see if they could hide my hand somewhere without me noticing.”

“It was in the locker room on the training deck.” Night added. “I was doing my rounds when I heard noses from the locker. I reported it over the comms and Leifsdottir and Griffin said they would assist since we didn’t know what was in there. After I realised whatever was trapped in there was trying to communicate by Morse code-”

“I’m sorry, what?” McClain’s eyes widened.

“Uhh, you see, nobody could remember what locker they put my hand in. So I was trying to feel what was in there but it’s kinda hard to figure that out when it was so far away.” Shirogane’s face was progressively turning redder and redder as he told more of the story.

“And you’re really hungover.” Kogane said.

“Moderately hungover.” Shirogane pinched his nose. “We thought that maybe someone would hear the code and let out my hand? Then I could recall it?”

“What did the message say?” McClain looked like she was about 500% done with this whole situation.

“Let me out, please.” Shirogane looked almost pained to say it.

“The please was Hunk’s idea. He thought it would be less threatening with the please.” Kogane smirked up at Shirogane. 

“You can tell him I found it less threatening.” Night smiled at Kogane. He gave her a thumbs up.

McClain turned her gaze to Night, “so after you heard something politely asking to be let out in morse code you just… opened the door?” McClain’s eyebrows were raised so far they’d disappeared into her bangs. 

“Well, obviously it was intelligent? I mean, it was probably also Terran in origin since it knew morse code? So I figured it was safe to let out. When I opened the door I found Captain Shirogane’s hand inside. It just sort of floated there for a few seconds until the locker room door opened then it flew towards the door.”

“And it backhanded me!” Griffin said with perhaps more excitement than someone with a freshly broken nose should have. 

Kogane let out a loud snort of laughter. Which was good since it pulled McClain’s attention to him so that Night, Leifsdottir, and Michel could get their silent laughter under control before she turned back to look at them. 

“So,” McClain looked between Griffin and Shirogane, “what happened after James was backhanded? Did you stop to see if he was ok?”

Shirogane paled slightly. “Well, I wasn’t anywhere close to the locker room at this point. I felt that I’d hit something but there was no way to tell if it was a wall or door or, well, anything.” 

“It was a drive by slapping.” Kogane wheezed out.

McClain put a hand over her face. 

“Nice one.” Griffin gave Kogane a thumbs up.

“So, are there any more casualties I should know about?” McClain turned her gaze on Shirogane. 

“As far as I know James is the only person I… slapped. Mostly my hand just hit some walls, doors-”

“A crate of food goo.” Keith said.

“A crate of food goo.” Shirogane said dejectedly. 

“Lance was there. He said it was awesome.” Kogane smiled wistfully. 

“I'm assuming he’s still there and that's why he's not here laughing at James?” McClain raised an eyebrow.

“Yah. He was like coated head to toe. It was like that time the Castle went berserk! Hunk and Pidge got attacked by food goo and I was nearly killed by a training robot. Good times.” Keith smiled and let out a happy sigh.

The rest of the room shared concerned looks. Well except for Shirogane, he just looked defeated. 

“Well,” McClain tapped a couple more times on her data pad then lowered it, “I guess that’s all I need to make my report. Unless there’s anything anyone needs to add?” She looked expectantly at Shirogane.

“That’ll be all, Veronica. I suppose you’re all free to go?” Shirogane looked at the door and started slowly edging towards it.

“Come on, let’s go see if they got the food goo cleaned up.” Keith clapped Shirogane on the shoulder and headed out of the room.

Shirogane muttered something under his breath and then hurried out of the room as well.

McClain turned to Night and offered her a soft smile. “Welcome to the Atlas. As you can see, there’s never a dull moment here.”

Night smiled back. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://maliciouslycreative.tumblr.com/), [pillowfort,](https://www.pillowfort.social/maliciouslycreative) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/a_soppon)!
> 
> Also I really love James. He's such a mood. It was just too funny to not slap him. He just seems like the kind of person these things happen to.


End file.
